1. Stop criticizing and complaining
Criticism usually backfires — it makes people defensive and builds resentment. If you need to raise a problem, lead with genuine appreciation first, then describe the issue calmly and specifically.
Simple trick: Start with praise (even small) before you bring up the problem — like giving a quick “thank you” before a correction.
2. Don’t tell someone they’re wrong
Declaring someone wrong shuts the door to change. People harden when they feel attacked. Instead, respect their viewpoint and respond with diplomacy.
Simple trick: Use phrases like “I see your point” or “That’s interesting — here’s another way to look at it.”
3. Say “my bad” quickly when you’re wrong
Admitting mistakes disarms conflict and models humility. A quick, sincere apology often stops escalation and invites reciprocity.
Simple trick: If you realize you’re mistaken, say it plainly: “I was wrong — I’m sorry.” No long excuses.
4. Ask: what kind of talk is this?
Conversations fail when people expect different things. Clarify whether the other person wants solutions, empathy, or a discussion about identity/roles.
Simple trick: Ask: “Do you want me to help find solutions, or do you just need to vent?”
5. Put yourself in their shoes (be sympathetic)
Try to genuinely see the situation from their perspective. Sympathy lowers tension and opens people up to dialogue.
Simple trick: Let them speak first and fully — people often calm down once they’ve been heard.
6. Prove you’re listening (looping for understanding)
When feelings run high, show you’re paying attention: ask, paraphrase, and confirm. This builds trust and clears misinterpretation.
Simple trick — 3 steps: (1) Ask a clarifying question, (2) Repeat what you heard in 1–2 sentences, (3) Ask, “Did I get that right?”
7. Praise the good stuff (encouragement works)
Encouragement produces better results than punishment. Notice small improvements and name strengths you want to see more of.
Simple trick: Give a specific compliment: “I appreciated how you handled X — that was reliable.”
8. Control yourself, not them
You can’t force someone to change, but you can control your reactions and the scope of the conflict. Take breaks when needed and keep the issue small and focused.
Simple trick: If emotions spike, say: “Let’s pause for 10 minutes and come back with fresh heads.”